To live is to die

You know how people tell you that life is short and you should always live it to the fullest? I often find myself never regretting a day that passes by because I do in fact try to live my life to it's fullest. This method of thinking has allowed me to appreciate everyone in my life, and always communicating with them how I feel.

Today I'm not writing because I want to tell you a story. Today I'm writing this for myself. Although it's been 5 days since my uncle's death, sometimes it still feels like a dream.

I get the phone call around 8:30 pm on Wednesday night with my mom all in tears. Of course I immediately assume the worst has happened to my dad or my younger sister, but my mom manages to tell me that an uncle who I was extremely close with died. I needed to hear what she said twice because I thought that perhaps she was wrong. After listening to how the events unfolded and still trying to grasp the idea that my uncle will no longer be around, I went to see my mom to comfort her in whatever way I could.

I wish I could say that I broke down in tears, and that I was devastated but that's far from what happened. My mind and body instantly went numb, and thoughts of the times I shared with my uncle came to mind. My "uncle" was only about two or three years older than I am so I never really considered him and uncle. We were probably more like brothers.

About three years ago my uncle and I met up in Argentina, and we toured the country. Whenever I've gone to Ecuador he has always been the one to take me under his wing and see the country or do just about anything I wanted. Some of my greatest memories of being alive include him, and yet I still can't break down and cry.

I'm thinking perhaps that my mind is in denial and I really won't understand his loss till I visit Ecuador once again and realize that I can no longer count on seeing him at the airport. At the same time I stop and think that I do not have any regrets about my relationship with my uncle. Before his death I had talked to him about two days earlier and it was as if we never stopped talking.

In my heart and mind I know that I never once shied away from telling my uncle that I loved him, or that I somehow held back. Perhaps that's why I don't feel so horrible at the thought of him not being around anymore. My usual self keeps telling me that I should celebrate his life rather than lament his death and I guess that's what I've been doing.

My mom's words never rang louder than these past few days. My mom has always said to me "Don't cry for me at my funeral, considering I'm alive now". What she meant by that was that I should never hold back on emotions and time with her. She meant to say that I should spend as much time as I can with her now because when she's dead it serves no purpose to cry for her. Since then I've somewhat changed my ways with not only her, but everyone else in my life that is close to me like that.

So we're born and it's certain we will all die. How we live between those two points is what's important. I for one know that I try and live each day as if it were my last because.... you never know.

For all those who have perished, may we celebrate their life and never make a point of their death. After all, we should always celebrate being alive.